The Power of Husband-Wife Communication in Building Family Resilience and Preventing Divorce: A Study of Maṣlaḥah Mursalah

: This paper is prepared based on the research on 18 couples of husbands and wives from a faculty at a state Islamic university in Yogyakarta. The research found that good communication between husbands and wives in household life could build family resilience and prevent divorce. This study used normative-sociology approach combined with the maṣlaḥah mursalah and convergence theories, which was further combined with the Ibnu Miskawaih and K. Hajar Dewantoro’s theories. The data was collected by distributing questionnaires to 18 couples of husbands and wives. The study found that a good communication between wives and husbands could be built through verbal and non-verbal communications. These verbal and non-verbal communications had the same strength in building a good communication, depending on the situations. There were times when it was more appropriate to use verbal communication, while there were also times when non-verbal communication was the right choice. It could, therefore, be said that communication played a crucial role in building family resilience. Thus, analyzed using the maṣlaḥah mursalah theory, it was not an exaggeration to state that building communication is a necessity for husbands and wives. It is not


Introduction
The strength of communication and family resilience are the two main points of discussion of this research. The former means the quality of communication. Meanwhile, the latter means the dynamic condition of a family in which a certain level of tenacity and toughness as well as physicalmaterial and psychological-mental-spiritual capabilities exist to allow them to live independently and develop themselves to live a harmonious life to increase their physical and spiritual well-beings. 1 Having explained its two main points of discussion, this study aims at explaining how the quality of communication can give birth to a resilient family.
The quality of communication within a family is undoubtedly important, because one of the reasons for conflicts to arise in the family is the lack of good communication between spouses. Several media reported that several regions witness an increase in the number of domestic violence cases during the Coronavirus Disease 2019  pandemic. Meanwhile, an increase in divorce rate occurs in other regions. The National Commission for Women's (Komnas Perempuan) survey in early June 2020 also reveal similar facts. When people work from and stay at home, 10.3% of the survey respondents think that their relationship with their spouses is increasingly more tense. In fact, 80% of the respondents admit that there have been an increase in the violence they experienced. This violence is not only physical in nature, but also economically. This online survey was conducted in 34 randomly-selected provinces, with most of its respondents being 31 to 40 years old and earning under IDR5 million a month. On the other hand, the Ministry of Women's Empowerment and Child Protection (Kemen PPPA) warns and is aware of hidden cases of domestic violence. These cases are Mufrod Teguh Mulyo, Khoiruddin Nasution, Samin Batubara, Siti Musawwamah, Raihanah Abdullah Al-Manāhij: Jurnal Kajian Hukum Islam hidden since their culture and religious teachings prevent them from revealing household issues that will bring shame to the family. One of the reasons for the increase in violence and divorce cases, based on the observations of several mediators in several religious courts in the Special Region of Yogyakarta (DIY) when they mediate family conflict cases, is the lack of good communication between spouses. In fact, it is said that more than 50% of the main conflict sources are communication issues.
As an important figure in their community and educators in front of their students, lecturers play a great role on people's lives. Therefore, finding out how the communication is built by these lecturers in their family life is considered important, since communication has a major contribution to building family resilience. This article is written based on a research report on 18 married couples from a faculty at a state religious university in Yogyakarta. This study aims to determine the quality of communication built between husbands and wives in their household life. It is also expected that this research will shed some light on the role of communication in building family resilience and preventing divorce.
A lot has been written on the same or similar subject. In general, they can be grouped into three. The first ones are those that show the important role of communication in carrying out household life. The second ones explain how to build good communication among family members. The third ones are study findings that show how some people do not have communication within their families.
One of the writers in the first group is Muhammad Nabih Ali. 2 He explains that good communication between family members can make the family harmonious and evade them from unnecessary fights and conflicts. However, good communication is not the only factor in building a successful family. Good communication must be built on mutual openness, mutual understanding, mutual concern, mutual trust and mutual commitment, sympathy and empathy. Another writer in this group is Valdy Prakasa Erwinda and Maulana Rezi. 3 They explain the relationship between parental communication and family resilience (2021). Still another writer in this group is Dewi Rayani who suggests the importance of positive communication in a family setting. 4 The final writer in this group is Muhammad Tariq who explains how interpersonal communication can build family resilience. 5 For the second group, the first writer is Zena Zhafirah. In her article, which is based on her research on happy couples, she explains the power of verbal and non-verbal symbols as part of their interpersonal communication for happy couples in Bandung. These verbal and non-verbal symbols include such actions as supporting partner's expectations, sparing time to be together with partners, being not easily suspicious of partners, hugging, kissing, always smiling at partners, and never refusing partner's invitation to have sex. All of these make their marriage life happier. 6 Another writer in this group is Fernanda Wahyu Amelia who discusses communication patterns. 7 The next writers in the second group are Rahmawati and Muragmi Gazali who write topics on "Patterns of Communication in Family". 8 The last writer in the group is M. Nur Kholis Al Amin who explains the values that family members must adhere to create a good communication in family life. 9 The third group has research on families that do not build communication within themselves. The first one is Hardsen Julsy Imanuel Najoan's research. 10 This research was conducted in Tondegesan II Village, Kawangkoan District, Minahasa Regency. He finds that husbands and wives in this village lack confidence to have a husband-wife relationship. Furthermore, there is also a lack of mutual understanding to build the relationship. For these reasons, the researcher suggests the need for a mutual understanding between husbands and wives when communicating to solve their problems. They need to be calmer and use persuasive communication approaches to persuade their spouses. In this way, it is expected that the relationship will remain harmonious even if some quarrels emerge in their way.
In addition to these three groups, several studies are also relevant to the object of this research. The first study was conducted by Liana Hutapea who found that to prevent drug abuse, no special time was needed for parents to communicate with their children to discuss the topic. For example, they could communicate it with their children while watching TV or while doing other activities. Emotional closeness and a sense of mutual openness are highly important for parents to build communication with their children. In turn, this would make what parents convey to their children seem less patronizing. 11 The second study was carried out by Moh Muslimin and Luluk Fikri Zuhriyah who found that interpersonal communication and group communication could be used to build noble characters. 12 The third study was done by Yuliana Rakhmawati. She explains that communication can develop emotional closeness between members in the community. 13 The fourth study was conducted by Rika Lusri Virga and Niken Puspitasari. They explain how communication can be built to make it work well. This process is called Berlo's communication model. The process starts with building a mindset, then it is followed by the emergence of a sense of belonging. Using the suitable media is the This paper aims to convey the results of research that proves that good communication between husbands and wives could help build family resilience. Borrowing the theory of hierarchy of Islamic Law, this paper is at the lowest place, namely concrete legal norms (al-furu'i, al-ahkâm al-far'iyyah) or practical law, a kind of SOP in the realm of Quality Assurance. According to Syamsul Anwar's theory of staging Islamic law, Islamic law can be classified into three hierarchical levels, namely: 18 1. Basic principles (al-mabadi' al-asasiyyah) or basic values (al-qiyam al-asasiyyah). (al-usul al-kulliyyah). This second ranking appears in two forms, namely;

General principles
Rules of Islamic Law (alqawa'id al-fiqhiyyah) and Principles of Islamic Law (an-nazariyyat alfiqhiyyah).

Concrete legal norms (al-furu', al-ahkam al-far'iyyah).
For involving 18 couples of husbands and wives, this research can be classified as field research. This study used normative-sociology approach, combined with the maṣlaḥah mursalah 19 and convergence theories, 20 which was further combined with Ibnu Miskawaih and K. Hajar Dewantoro's theories. The data were collected by distributing questionnaires to 18 couples of husbands and wives. According to convergence theory, skill is a combination of innate and habitual upbringings. Along with the convergence theory, Ibnu Maskawaih provides two theories of the formation of individual personality, namely: 1. theory of behavior, which can be called innate characteristics,

Practice of Building Communication between Wives and Husbands
To build a good communication between wives and husbands, there are two conditions where the wife and husband need to greet each other. First, whenever and wherever relevant, the wife and husband must greet each other to (i) build good relationships, (ii) build good feelings, and (iii) build good thoughts. The second condition is when one partner has something in their mind that can be a source of family relationship issues. Greetings in these two conditions are only spontaneous and brief.
For the first condition, whenever and wherever relevant the wife or husband greet their partner: first, greet partners when eating together by expressing "the food is delicious"; second, greet partner when he/she has taken a shower and passes by, saying 'the smell is fantastic', 'the smell is fresh' and the like; third, greet partner when meeting at home, and under certain conditions, use non-verbal language, touching whichever part of the body is appropriate; fourth, greet partner when he/she is sitting alone in one place, in the guest room or anywhere; come and greet, maybe with verbal language 'what are you doing dear/darling/babe'; then proceed with non-verbal language, touching, holding, hugging, kissing, depending on the conditions; fifth, greet partner when he/she is cooking in the kitchen, then come over and say 'what are you doing dear/darling/babe' etc; sixth, anyway, whenever appropriate, greet partner, verbally or non-verbally under the right the conditions. The second condition, when things that can trigger the breakdown of family relationships come to mind; first, greet partner when a potential trigger of a problem is detected; second, when partner's shortcomings and deficiencies come to mind, stop imagining and continue by greeting him/her; third, when partner's shortcomings and imagination of how beautiful life would be had the partner was someone better occur to mind, also immediately stop imagining and say hello to him/ her; fourth, when remembering the partner's past that triggers jealousy or anger, stop immediately and greet him/her; fifth, when remembering the bad character of the partner that triggers anger or retaliation, quickly stop and immediately greet him/her, and remember the strengths that he/she has.
In other words, when one of them lurks in the dark, pops up in contemplation, or appears in daydreams, then stop quickly, greet and contact him/her immediately.
Still in an attempt of building communication to create mutual trust and affection, there are two words that should always accompany the lives of family members (husband, wife and children). The first word is "thank you" when receiving attention, help and assistance. The second one is to apologize when making mistakes.
Still yet in order to build a healthy relationship with a spouse, three things need to be known and practiced by husbands and wives. First, they must know what often serves as barriers to their relationships or relationship destroyers. Second, they must know what can build their relationship. Third, they must understand how to manage conflict. These are fundamental in their efforts to build a healthy relationship in a family.
Meanwhile, to build a relationship, one needs six (6) Relationship Building attitudes. The first attitude is aligning between husband and wife's needs. The second one is husband and wife's serious attempt to harmonize the principles of justice and equality. The third one is the "relationship bank account" that applies well to couples. The fifth one is interaction maturity. Finally, the sixth one is communication balance: clarifying expectations.
Thus, husbands and wives must try to stay away from the 4 relationship-destroying attitudes and try to improve the six relationship-building attitudes.
1) The term "relationship bank account" is an analogy of the positive and negative attitudes between husbands and wives. In terms of happiness, the deposit is any attitude and action that makes the spouse & children happy. On the contrary, the withdrawal is the attitudes and actions that make the spouse & children unhappy.
2) In terms of expectations, the deposit is the attitudes and behaviors expected of the spouse & children. On the other hand, the withdrawal is the attitudes and behaviors expected not to be done by the spouse and children.
3) In regard to emotion, the deposit is the attitude and behavior that can help them relieve the emotions. The withdrawal is the attitude and behavior that can further exacerbate the emotions.
Using the convergence theory, combined with Ibnu Miskawaih and K. Hajar Dewantoro's theories, wives and husbands must have the basic potentials that can be developed or increased in terms of their quality and quantity. Thus, for those couples of wives and husbands who already have and are used to the characteristics of a resilient family, they are encouraged to continue and improve as much as possible. Meanwhile, for wives and husbands who are not used to it, a change needs to be made before fertilizing and keeping on watering it.
Research proves that good communication between husbands and wives can build family resilience in which; 1). parents and children enjoy the day; 2). the warmth of the family is maintained; 3). family building is getting stronger: 4). family quality improves; 5). the character and potential of family members are well developed; and 6). family breakdown is avoided. This is all the consequence of good communication in a family.
It is worth noting, and hopefully it will be the driving force (motivation), that when family is tough the nation will also be tough. Therefore, family resilience means the nation resilience. For this reason, it is important to create as many tough and resilient families as possible to make Indonesia tougher and more resilient.

Family Resilience by Building Communication
This section is a description of the results of questionnaire on the quality of communication built by 18 couples of husbands and wives to build family resilience and thereby prevent divorce.
A slightly more detail of research respondents is described here. Five (5) respondents' partners were lecturers, with four (4) of them working at the same university, and one (1) working at another university in Yogyakarta. Furthermore, one (1) respondent's partner was a teacher, two (2) other respondents' partners were activists (working in public realm), while the remaining nine (9) respondents' partners were housewives and one (1) shop owner.
A total of twenty one (21) questions were answered by respondents. These questions were as follows: 1).When eating foods cooked by my partner, I say 'the food is delicious'; 2).When my partner passes by after taking a shower, I say that he/she smells nice or similar words; 3).When we pass each other at home, I greet my partner non-verbally and touch on any part of the body that is appropriate; 4).When my partner is alone in the living room or anywhere in the house, I come and greet him/her, saying, for example. 'what are you doing dear/darling/babe'; 5). When my partner is cooking in the kitchen, I come and say 'what are you doing dear/darling/babe'; 6). When traveling together in the vehicle, I greet my partner either verbally or non-verbally; holding hands while praising him/her; saying "I always love you", "I love you even more", "I see you're always younger", and the like; 7). When my partner is coming home or leaving the house, I say "hello" and "escort them to leave"; 8). When I want to leave the house, I tell my partner; 9). I chat with my partner before sleeping in bed; 10). My spouse gives me religious advice and knowledge after congregational prayers at home; 11). I give advice wisely when my partner's actions are unacceptable; 12). I give gifts to or congratulate my partner on her/his birthday; 13). I give verbal/non-verbal appreciation/praise when my partner receives a reward at work/manage to do something successfully; 14). I encourage/entertain/hug my partner when he/she is sad or troubled; 15). I give a gentle massage when my partner is tired; 16). I consult with my partner when making decisions; 17). I crack a joke with my partner; 18). My husband Based on the results of this study, it can be noted communication played a positive and significant role in building family resilience. Thus, it is not exaggerating to say that good communication could build a Sakinah (peaceful) family. Likewise, good communication could prevent potential damages from ruining the household life. Using the maslahah mursalah 29 analysis, it can be concluded that building communication is a necessity for husbands and wives. It is not even an exaggeration to state that building good communication is an obligation that husbands and wives cannot ignore.

Conclusion
Family resilience from the maslahah mursalah perspective is to realize family resilience based on national security. This family resilience requires each individual in the family to be aware of their rights and obligations. This development starts from the marriage process and continues throughout the household life. The roles that husbands and wives play have a great influence on this resilience. In addition to carrying out their obligations and rights, both of them must also understand each other in the benefit of building community resilience. Other than fulfilling their rights and obligations, husbands and wives need to have a good communication to build this resilience. Overall, from the maslahah mursalah perspective, the national security has several scopes to realize family resilience, both socially, physically and psychologically.
Based on the discussion, two conclusions can be drawn. The first conclusion is that good communication had been established in the lives of 18 married couples. The second conclusion is that communication plays an extremely important role in building family resilience. Therefore, using the maslahah mursalah analysis, it is not an exaggeration to state that building communication is a necessity for husband and wife. It is not even an exaggeration to state that building good communication is an obligation that husbands and wives cannot ignore. In addition, building good communication between wives and husbands can be done verbally and non-verbally. Verbal and non-verbal communications have the same strength in building communication, depending on the conditions. There are times when it is more appropriate to use verbal communication, but there are also times when it is more appropriate to use non-verbal communication. Communication should be done every time, when the moment is right. Communication with partners can be done at close range and long distance.